WHYTE KNIGHT JUST THE MAN FOR GERS

28th April 15.22 in Rangers, fakeover

By James' Trainers & Jack Keithson

Craig Whyte had a humble upbringing in Motherwell but now he is a trillionaire who owns 3 continents and has his own personal army.

The new owner of Rangers made his vast fortunes hiring out plants and working as a security guard but has taken financial blows along the way. It is this tenacity which will pleasure Sir David Murray in negotiations.

As a youngster he did a Sunday paper round and this early introduction to the financial world paved the way for the creation of his business empire.

He also attended the private Kelvinside Academy where he admits he found it tough going. “It was a rugby only school and they used me as the ball most days” he said. “I wanted to play football”.

He still did his paper round and also dabbled in the tablet/macaroon markets.

By the time he left school at 17 he had amassed £32.15.

It was around this time he set up his first business at The Barras International Shopping Mall in Glasgow, selling socks and lighters. Trade was brisk in the initial days but when the recession bit in the 90’s he had to shut up shop.

“That hurt” Whyte recalls, “I remember throwing all my unsold socks in the Clyde and it took all my resolve not to follow them in there.”

Some years later Whyte bounced back and became the owner of several mystery firms, and is now described as someone who has a lot of money.

He returned to his homeland a couple of years ago and paid an undisclosed massive sum for the whole of the Grampian Region which he now lives in. He wants to remain close to his roots and the purchase of Rangers will ensure this happens.

MURRAY NOT KRANKIE AS NEW DEAL BECKONS Sir David in shock deal with showbiz legends

Showbiz legends The Krankies have emerged as shock candidates to rescue Rangers Football Club from financial oblivion. The comedy duo are known to be huge fans of the Ibrox club and have the means to follow up their interest having amassed a vast fortune over the years with appearances in panto, Crackerjack and a season 4 episode of Murder Most Horrid.

We understand negotiations between Sir David Murray and Wee Jimmy Krankie have been ongoing for months with Daddy Krankie taking more of a back seat but there to give Wee Jimmy advice if needed. Sir David is understood to be impressed with the fact that Wee Jimmy always wears a blazer and immaculately polished shoes and is ready to sell if the price is right.

An Ibrox insider said last night: “Sir David is seriously considering the bid from Wee Jimmy and Dad Krankie. They’re Scottish, fans of the club and now that they have semi- retired from showbiz can devote the time needed to running a club the size of Rangers. It really would be Fandabidozi if they could strike a deal”.

One sticking point in the negotiations could be Daddy Krankie’s insistence that Wee Jimmy be part of Ally McCoist’s squad for the forthcoming season. We understand Wee Jimmy was a star for his primary seven football team and sees himself as a successor to Kyle Lafferty who is heading to Wycombe Wanderers in the summer.

The insider told us: “Dad Krankie wants Jimmy to be in Alastair’s plans for next season but it remains to be seen if a role can be found for him. Its a shame Kirk Broadfoot has signed a new deal as Wee Jimmy could have replaced him no problem. It was suggested Wee Jimmy be the new mascot but Dad Krankie was having none of it”.

The deal however should go through with a compromise being struck that during January and February Lee McCulloch will take Wee Jimmy’s place as the horses arse in Jack & The Beanstalk with Wee Jimmy toughening up the Rangers midfield.

The Krankies were unavailable for comment last night.

SURELY THIS MAN IS THE SON OF GOD by Jabba's Trainers

For a minute yesterday you could see deep into Walter Smith’s soul.

Not for long mind you. This is a man who keeps his emotions in check, a stoic pillar of integrity and honesty.

But at the final whistle yesterday, this elder statesman let his guard slip momentarily, like a defiant boxer distracted for a moment by a yearning call from the crowd.

As he stared around Hampden for the last time as Rangers boss he had a tear in his beautiful eyes, and I swear the reflection in his perfectly polished brogues was the face of God himself.

Smith has won much silverware as manager of this proud quintessential British institution but yesterday he reacted differently than normal.

Yesterday he opened up.

That fact alone was enough to have this writer sweating profusely and ready to pounce but the moment was only fleeting, there one minute then gone the next, an unfulfilled promise of that pot of gold we all strive for.

The ticker tape that filtered down from the stands must have felt like it came from the lord God himself, and where Smith is concerned it probably did. Then again there will always be a place in heaven for men like him.

As for Celtic manager Neil Lennon, where he was at this moment is unclear. Maybe he sat alone, reflecting on bringing everything onto his self, for that is what this man does. Or is he allowed to do or say anything without a Queens Counsel these days?

If he were in the stadium still, he should have studied his counterpart as he stood, weeping with happiness and thanking God the creator for his historic and earth shuddering League Cup win.

In fact, scrap that. God was probably waiting in a queue to talk to him.

LENNON RED LIGHT DISGRACE Celts boss in driving shame by Sunsport reporter

He claims he runs a gauntlet of hate from opposition supporters.

Now it appears he runs red lights too.

Neil Lennon bleats on a daily basis about referees and the laws of the game. Now it seems he can’t respect the law of the LAND he chooses to live in.

God knows what it’s like in Ireland where they drive horses and carts about but in Scotland traffic lights are there for a REASON.

I wanted to come on here today and talk about Lennon receiving another 6 match ban, about Scott Brown being a bad sport, about Walter Smith receiving a Knighthood.

Instead I have to write about Celtic’s own answer to Nigel Mansell sticking two fingers up to the law he blatantly cares nothing about. Well hell mend him.

Let’s see what happens the next time Anthony Stokes is brought down in the box by Davie Weir. Penalty? Nah sorry, laws don’t apply today. Nothing to see here, son.

I’ll bet Lennon will get sick of that pretty soon. Which is why his running a red light is tantamount to not stopping when required to.

Will it sink in? Will it chocolate.

He’ll keep running the red lights, parking on double yellows and letting the meter run that wee bit longer claiming he was away getting change.

I hope the powers that be see through it before it’s too late.

And hand Rangers the SPL title NOW. It’s the law.

THANKS A BILLION CRAIG! Whyte deal collapse just the tonic for Gers by Mark Hateful

News that Craig Whyte’s billion pound takeover may collapse might on the face of it look like a complete disaster for Rangers but with a sad predictability I think it will have the opposite effect altogether.

With adversity comes great responsibility and togetherness and this will surely see my old club triumph in the final Old Firm game of the season this Sunday.

Whilst followers of Celtic may gloat at this new turn of events they should remember that Rangers will now be like a cornered and wounded animal, ready to strike with a ferocious but dignified response.

You have to also remember this will be the last time Walter Smith takes his brown brogues of integrity down the marble staircase of tradition to face the side from the East End so let’s just say he’ll have his men practising penalties this week.

I may be biased but I’d like to see a sound thrashing delivered by Walter.

Then I’d love him to drive Rangers on to a famous victory this Sunday which will see the SPL title retained and my old soap dropping chum Alistair begin next season with a clear psycho advantage over his adversity Neil Lennon.

You can bet Walter will also feel satisfied before and after the game.

He will also be boosted by the return of Lee McCulloch, who will add an extra piece of steel to his boots and to the midfield in general.

When you think about it logically, you would come to a totally different conclusion that I would, but I think the total collapse of Craig Whyte’s takeover bid and complete lack of investment in new players will be the kick up the collective backsides of the entire Rangers squad.

So to Mr Whyte I say thank you very much. By walking away from the deal you’ve galvanised a squad of players who would literally run through brick walls for their manager. Just remember though, don’t come crying when the Champions League trophy sits in the cabinet in two years time.

As told to Keith’s Jacksie

DON'T WRECK MY IBROX DREAM striker in come and get me plea

East Stirling striker Scott Johnstone has issued a “come and get me” plea to Rangers.

Record Sport can reveal the ace marksman’s representatives have made contact with the Ibrox giants and business may be done in the summer transfer window.

Johnstone, signed from Forfar West End after spells with Dundee youths, is said to be unsettled and unlikely to feature in manager Jim McInally’s plans for the rest of the season.

The deal could hinge on trillionaire Craig Whyte’s takeover deal being pushed through before the window springs open in July but Walter Smith will hope that he can prise some cash from the club’s bankers if that doesn’t happen.

And even if Smith gets the green light for the audacious swoop his assistant Ally McCoist still has to decide on what players he would like when he takes over next season.

Johnstone knows he would have to take a significant pay cut to live out his Ibrox dream but is prepared to do that in exchange for regular first team football.

Even if Smith secures the funding he craves he faces stiff opposition for Johnstone’s signature in the shape of Albion Rovers and Annan Athletic.

A RISE SIR WALTER? YES PLEASE! by Mark Hateful

AS the clock ticks down with dignity towards Walter Smith’s final hours as Rangers boss it is surely now time for Her Majesty the Queen to consider a knighthood for the greatest ever Scottish manager.

As someone who takes immense pleasure seeing Walter kneel before me I’m sure The Queen will feel those same emotions as she bestows this greatest of honours which is frankly overdue in my eyes.

Sir Walter Smith? Has a nice ring. And the name sounds good too.

Once the Rangers boss has visited the palace it will be Sir Walter rally as he gets the players together for the final push towards SPL glory.

My old gaffer has gone on record as saying this current side is similar to the nine in a row one and he’ll get no argument from me.

Players like Lee McCulloch, Kirk Broadfoot and Kyle Lafferty are scarily similar to my old colleagues Scottish Nisbet, Alexander Cleland and Gary Bollan from those crazy days.

And despite accusations of boring defensive tactics, Walter now has this side playing in an extremely offensive manner which again reminds me of Rangers sides of the past.

So Buckingham Palace, draw up the honours list. Get the most dignified sword you can find. Prepare for Walter and make sure Sarah Ferguson is available to keep Alistair busy for an hour or so. Just remember my invitation.

As told to James' Trainers